Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in IN OMNIA PARATUS' LiveJournal:

Sunday, June 5th, 2005
9:47 pm	alo, allllo i have just relized no one looks at my journal-hell yes! Signed, F-A-T-E A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks. “Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren’t getting any milk this morning.” Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he’s walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, “Are you going to tell him, or should I?” Current Mood: amused Current Music: wilson phillips-im a loser (Comment on this)
Friday, April 22nd, 2005
5:47 pm	smiel like you mean it, come on...you know you want to....come on, Fucking SMILE!!! hey.....bye......-This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive." The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?" The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed. "Well," the doctor continued, "Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing." The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly. Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head. "How did it go?" the doctor asked. "Terrible, doctor, terrible." "Did it not work?" "Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years." "Then what is the problem, ma'am?" "Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again." Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: smile like you mean it-the killers (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 16th, 2005
9:46 am	TAKe Back tAKING BACK SUNDAY!! HO KAY, I WENT TO THE CONCERT last night, jimmy eat world was amazing!i cant say the same for taking back sunday-they used to be good but then they got rid of the awesome back up singer WHO MADE THE WHOLE FUCKING BAND...--the lead singer barely sings he just swirls his little microphone--reminds me of a young stp singer i know..OH WELL,T.B.S'S FIRST ALBUM WAS GOOD....BECAUSE OF THE BACK UP SINGER!!!!!WELL IT WAS WORTH IT TO SIT THROUGH THEIR LONG HORRID SET, TO HEAR JIMMY EAT WORLD WHO STARTED OFF GREAT AND CARRIED IT THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH...YEY!!! and i got a free cd ***anyways tonight is kevins birthday party and im going as...shock shock BRANDON FLOWERS-i got the hot pink leather jacket, tee hee...it just hope i dont have the urge to...jump...on oneself? lol we ll see, ill post pics ...~meg aka brandon loves himself so much he shall love me for dressing as him** Q. What did George W Bush get on his SAT's? A. Drool. Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: kill-Jimmy EAt World (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
6:17 pm	i tried to fuck a pirate in the ass i loveeeeeeeeeeee gold!! lol hello hello good buye bood bye best buy best buy **Meg aka Brandons lovvverrr**--and aparently kims- Ox Km Li Xo (6:12:49 PM): anywhooo! whats up? ForeverBandA (6:13:49 PM): u no whats ^ Ox Km Li Xo (6:14:16 PM): *wiggles eyebrows* MY MANSICKLE ForeverBandA (6:14:52 PM): *purr/growl** ForeverBandA (6:14:59 PM): dont excite me!\ Ox Km Li Xo (6:15:04 PM): HAHAHAHAH!! ForeverBandA (6:15:09 PM): my font got big Ox Km Li Xo (6:15:09 PM): am i too late?!?! Ox Km Li Xo (6:15:13 PM): *growls like a tiger* ForeverBandA (6:15:48 PM): oh yes...im a quickie Current Mood: dirty Current Music: Fucking Dogs-Blink 182 (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
2:10 pm	you put the lime in the coke you nut!! i saw sin city, and i may say that movie was so amazingly awesome===notice how i continue to change my backround?? cant gett enough og the shin dig!! aka brandon flowers---oh and usually i hate smokers, but he smokes, and let me tell you, there is now a loophole in my hatred+tee hee+ anyways, here go ur joke-- a blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied Current Mood: amused Current Music: LAura-SS (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 1st, 2005
12:10 pm	this shit is B A NAN AS and Strawberries who loves the song holla back girl simply for the part where she goes " this shit is B A NAN AS !!!" and the rest of the song has a nice _beat?_ well, i hate posting soo screw you guys im going home++JOKE TIME++ Q. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? A. Beat it! We're closed. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: HOLLA back girl-Gewn Stefani (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 31st, 2005
11:15 pm	HEy jude, you,ll make it by, YOUR DAMN SEXXY!! meow....lol ok so i love star wars and music and dancing, and i just found a movie that has all of it... MOULIN rouge..also, i think ewan has to go in front of mark on my list of most sexy jedis...although i wonder..should i get the cardboard cut out of obi-wan(ewan) i mean, i already have luke(mark) hmm, and my friends say im obsessive, i dont see how :))))).. heres your joke.... One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Joey. When she found Joey she told him what was happeing, but he didn't quite understand so she showed him what her problem was. Joey's face got very serious and he said, "You know, I'm no doctor, but it looks like someone ripped your balls off!" Current Mood: excited Current Music: CAndle in the wind-sir elton (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
8:37 pm	if i was i rich girl, id paint you brown and sell you to my rich friends who need a gardener meow goes your motther bitch!! lol i suck at your mama jokes~~ why guys should be jews--A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, "I know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork, but have you really never even tasted it?" The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, "I must tell you the truth. Yes I have, on the odd occasion." The rabbi had his turn for interrogation. He asked, "I know that in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate, but..." The priest interjected, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice." The two resumed their reading. There was silence for a while. Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper and said, "Better than pork, isn't it!" Current Mood: cold Current Music: THis is your LIFE-Switchfoot (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 6th, 2005
12:14 pm	your kiss might kill me, so go brush your freaking teeth hello, lol today i have confirmation so im watching like the best movie ever! SPace Jam! its freaking hilarious!~~~ the new holocauset__ The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America." President Bush says "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do." The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek." President Bush laughs, leans toward the Saudi, and whispers back, "It's because it takes place in the future!" Current Mood: weird Current Music: younger than springtime-south pacific (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 5th, 2005
10:17 pm	ROCK CHILDREN HOLD YOUR HEADS UP HIGH!-bRANDON fLOWERS hey hey, who was at the y100 rocks rally today!! crazy, no? lol we will succeed!~~ CORRECTION!! News is in that the Taliban's members are extremely offended by being called "towel heads." We have been informed that they do NOT wear towels on their heads. They wear sheets. In the future please call them "sheet heads." Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: LET GO-frou frou (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 24th, 2005
7:32 pm	damn, you look like my aunt tulip o heelooo, how is it! SNOW!!! these things make me tingly inside__ Okay, if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags". And the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs." What does that make the Tennessee Titans?---think about it, i did lol) Current Mood: restless (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
7:52 pm	if you so dare leave a comment, i shall kill you!!!!! make sure to leave ! points :) goddddddddddd loves children!!!!! im feeling religious today since i just said to hail marys!!! haha read last entry, gosh darn im just to damn funny! Bumper Stickers Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Watch out for the idiot behind me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I intend to live forever - so far, so good. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dont piss me off- I am running out of places to hide the bodies. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Police Station Toilet Stolen.... Cops have nothing to go on. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome to Kentucky - Set your watch back 20 years. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Honk if you love peace and quiet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Honk If You Want To See My Finger! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't drink and drive, you might hit a speed bump and spill your drink. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I only brake for fairies, elves, gnomes, the toothfairy, the easter bunny, santa and other little creatures that only I can see. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cover me. I'm changing lanes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dont laugh. Your daughter could be in here Current Mood: awake Current Music: band bang-i made it me self! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 20th, 2005
3:39 pm	oh shit, is that supposed to happen? hello, today was a big bore. got my archmere acceptance letter. trust me i was a excited as this sounds.[no ! u fool] anyway, here u go! There were two nuns... One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me. SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down. And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys Current Mood: chipper Current Music: photograph-12 stones (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 19th, 2005
11:04 am	what in the nameof alah is wrong with you? hello hello. i dont think i should have made a live jornal. now i have to update it . god damn my friends, so loving, yet they are really devils!! here is my joke:(its a little dirrty, but i couldt resist, so if u dont like it, dont read it) The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chicken he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish house. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning. At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up. "No no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up. "No no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." Half the women stood up. "No no" he said "That wasn't what I meant either. Has anybody seen my cock?" All the choir boys stood up. Current Mood: restless Current Music: another bag of bricks-flogging molly (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 18th, 2005
3:39 pm	you like my cup? hello all, well at least charlotte. i hate skool it sucks my teachers very large umm watever it is. heres the joke for ur viewing or reading pleasure. A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large. All in the name of humor." Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee!" Current Mood: drained Current Music: my lover's gone (1 Comment |Comment on this)